Week 10 / Fatherhood

Fatherhood

            I have enjoyed this opportunity to research fatherhood; this is very important to me because one day I am going to be a father. I want to hit the ground running and know what I need to do to help my wife and my kids. I found a really neat article that I was able to find five principles that I want to follow as a father. I also think that these principles apply to every father. The article I found is called, “The Importance of Fathers in the Healthy Development of Children”  (Rosenberg, Jeffery, Wilcox, Bradford; 2006). As I have been preparing this paper I have noticed that most of my principles are connected father and child involvement. At first I thought the article was being repetitive, but than I realized that is the most important thing a father can do for his children is be involved in that child’s life. So, most of my principles have something do with being involved with my children.

            My first principle is the impact of the Mother-Father relationship. As I look back on my childhood, one of the most important things that I saw was how my father treated my mother and everyone else. My dad always treated my mom with love and respect. I remember the times my dad would get really mad at my brothers and I and that was because we had disrespected my mom.  He taught us that disrespecting his wife and our mom was never right. From the article it says this, “Fathers influence their children in large part through the quality of their relationship with the mother of their children. A father who has a good relationship with the mother of their children is more likely to be involved and to spend time with their children and to have children who are psychologically and emotionally healthier.” I like that because if the mother and father enjoy each they will spend time with there kids. It is simple love your wife and let your kids see that and from seeing that love, they will be blessed. The article also talked about if the husband stonewalls, shows anger and disrespect to his wife or his children, his children are more likely to be anxious, withdraw, or be anti-social.

            My second principle is education. A lot of times the mother is the one who is in charge of teaching the children and helping them with there school work. I think that is wrong. Granted the mother will probably do more than the father with teaching and schoolwork. But, the father must help the child. The child needs to learn from the father and see how he thinks. He needs to take time sit talk and talk to his kids and make sure they are learning from him. I think it is important that the father is willing to help the child with schoolwork in addition to their mother. The article talks about if the father spends time with the child, then his children will do better in school.

            My third principle is that fathers must play with their kids. A father must play and interact with his kids. A quote from the article, “Rough-housing with dad, for example, can teach children how to deal with aggressive impulses and physical contact without losing control of their emotions.” I was shocked when I read this that playing with your kids can have such a positive impact. I think that when you play with your kids they just love you so much more. As I look back on my childhood my dad was really good with playing with us and I know that because of that I love he so much more.

My fourth Principle is teaching your child to work. This principle did not come out of the article but I think they would back me up. I grew up in a small farm town and when I was eight years old and my brother was ten my dad started a lawn mowing businesses. Because of that my brothers know how to work. I know how to work hard so, I have always been able to get a job and satisfy my bosses. I have had a lot of roommates who have never worked to me that is sad because in this life we need to be able to work to provide for are families. It is the father’s job to provide for his family, so it is his responsibility to teach his kids how to work hard and why that is important.

My fifth principle is TIME. “Kids spell love T-I-M-E." said Dr. Ken Canfield, Founder and President, National Center for Fathering, and I agree.  I know we have talked a lot about spending time with a child in other ways, but I think that time is so important that it needs it’s own principle. I think that quote really speaks for it’s self; love is time. I think that as a father, a lot of times you come home from a long day of work and you just want to sit down and relax. But, in a way your job is not over until your children are in bed for the night. A father needs to come home and be with his family. One thing that I think can cause a father to not spend time with his kids is when he spends more time with his hobbies. It is easy to get wrapped up in a project or something that needs to get fix. But, what is a father’s biggest project in his life, his family. While that is easier said than done, it is still extremely important.

            I enjoyed this paper because it gave me time to think ahead to when I am a father. In the next couple of years, I am planning on being a father. I am scared out of my mind, but I am glad that I am planning ahead and able to look at what makes a good father. I think it is simple, but not always easy to spend time and be involved in your child’s life. I want to do that and I want to spend all a lot of time with my family. I think it is interesting to see that spending time can have such a positive impact on your kids. I am so glad that I have a great father to help me along the way. I plan on talking to my dad and others, so I can be prepared to be a father. I also want to do more research and learn more about fathers. This is one of the most important things I will ever do in my life, so I want to prepare myself, that way I can do my very best.